Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

Divorce And Marriage

January 15th, 2011

I would like to say that it is IN NO WAY my intention to hurt or offend anyone by this post. This is my opinion, and I’m entitled to it.

Do you find that sometimes you take other people’s bad news too personally? I’m a bit like that.

Definitely not in all ways, just with break-ups; especially divorces. Over the 12 months or so I’ve seen dozens of couples break things off. Some were together for 30+ years, some less then 3. Some I’m really close to, others were acquaintances, and still more were people I’ve never met in ‘real life’.

Nearly ever time I’ve heard someone’s news, I’ve cried. I’ve been hurt, and angry inside. I’ve hoped, wished, prayed that they would get back together. For some reason, I hate divorce.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my reaction, because, lets face it, it’s not entirely normal!

I guess I just don’t completely understand people getting divorced. I mean, when you got married didn’t you think you would be with that person forever? Did you think it would be easy?

When Luke and I got married I anticipated that there would be times in the future when I wanted to leave, but we’ve made a commitment. A commitment that in my mind, it was/is not possible for either of us to ever break. In other words, divorce is not actually an option for us.

I really BELIEVE in marriage. In ALL marriages. I believe in sticking it out, staying with someone no matter what*. I believe in being open, honest and talking every day.

I believe that saying I love you, having sex regularly, and taking the time to be alone are all simple things that can help save, and build a marriage. This is something that I’m passionate about. I’m passionate about finding someone, building a life together, and growing old together. It makes me so sad when people fall away. It also makes me sad when people think marriages are easy, or something that will just happen.

In my (abeit limited) experience, good marriages don’t just cruise along idylically with no thought, time or effort put into them. They take purposful hugs and smiles when you’re super angry. They take open communication when something’s frustrating you, and especially when you’ve been bottling things up. They take compromise (oh how I dislike the compromise…), and putting the other personal first (I have to admit that I am still really, really bad at this).

It’s not an easy thing, but it’s worth it.

So while this little passion bubbles along, and I try to be a better wife, and build a better marriage (sometimes it’s a step forward, step backwards kind of thing, but we’re getting there!), I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and wondering. If I’m so passionate about this, should I be doing something with it? Is this God shouting at me loudly saying “THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO PURSUE, YOUR PURPOSE IS SOMETHING TO DO WITH BUILDING MARRIAGES”.

If it is, I need to be my ears checked, cause I’m not 100% sure how one uses their passion for good, strong marriages… any ideas?

* Another disclaimer: It is entirely probable that someone will bring up a story alond the lines of “my friend got divorced because her husband beat on her” or something similar…

To this I say, domestic violence is a VERY serious issue, and I in no way think that people should live in homes where they feel unsafe. There are a range of options for people (it’s not just women), who are in these conditions, divorce isn’t the only option. I think all marriages deserve the chance to be redeemed, and that in cases like this a couple might need to spend some time apart while both parties make the changes that need to happen for them to talk and resolve the issues they face.

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Three = Leather

October 6th, 2010

So we’re not doing the ‘leather’ gift idea, because ‘Europe’ isn’t the gift on any year, and well, that’s what we’re doing!

We’re having dinner tonight at our new favourite up-market local resturanut, Nephtali. If you live on the Sunshine Coast and want to go somewhere really nice, this is the place! Carpet floors, proper dining room chairs, linen napkins etc.

I don’t have anything truely amazing that I’ve learnt from being married for three years. I’m sure to some of you that seems like no time at all! I do know however that I live and work with my best friend, that we are together nearly 24/7, and that we don’t get sick of each other. I think that’s pretty special. We enjoy each other’s company. I like that.

Luke,

I’m pretty sure the next three years will be full of changes and adventures. But we’ll always be together. I’m looking forward to spending the next 70-odd years with you.

Tags: anniversary, marriage, wedding